Privacy Policy
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us include
it and made us use a precious button on our home page to get you here. At
first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What
a Netwakening! It’s really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers
wrote and translated it into readable English. So be a smart nethead and read
the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers, or
worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors. Here’s the deal: We run this site so that people like you (and people you like)
can use it for personal entertainment, information, education, communication,
and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even
download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you
do, though, don’t fool around with the copyright and other notices all over the
stuff. They’re there for a really good reason. And don’t even think about
distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or anything else
uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for
public or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission. And it’s
not likely we will. If you visit our site, you’re also legally obligated to [read:
stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or
regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los
Angeles, CA. You shouldn’t access or browse the site if you have any problem
with that, because once you start, there’s no turning back — you are bound by
[read: stuck with] the terms and conditions. So here’s the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who
hang out on our site: 1.
For everyone’s sake, just assume that everything on the site is
copyrighted unless we say it’s not. So you can’t use the stuff except how we
say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our written
permission. And like we said before, it’s not likely we’ll give you permission
anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal
anyway. So it’s better you don’t even ask. 2.
While we try to include accurate stuff on the site, we’re not
promising you it’s accurate. In fact, we’re not promising you anything except
fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you’re using it at your
own risk. Don’t call us if there’s a problem because we assume no liability or
responsibility for errors or omissions on the site. 3.
We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or deliver
the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it. In
particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes “direct,
incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your
access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on
the site is provided to you ‘AS IS’ WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER
EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT. 4.
If you don’t want the world to know something, don’t post in on
the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That’s because anything you
disclose to us is ours. That’s right — ours. So we can do anything we want with
the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish it,
broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to your mother
(as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas,
concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including,
developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the
information you post. 5.
Pictures of people or places shown on the site are either our
property or someone else’s property we’re using with their permission. No
matter what, it’s definitely not your property. You or any of your net-friends
can’t use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere else on the
site. And guess what — we won’t say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff
you download to yourself. 6.
There’s also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service marks on
the site that either we own or we’re using with someone else’s permission. So
don’t think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you
don’t and we’re not about to give you one. If you don’t leave them alone and
mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we’ll probably
go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks, logos and
service marks. That means that we’re likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor
to come after you for messing around with our property or the property of
others. 7.
You’ll probably notice we’ve linked our site to lots of others.
While that’s cool, it doesn’t mean we’ve looked at all those sites, much less
checked them out periodically to see what’s going on. So don’t blame us if some
site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go
ahead and link, but remember, you’re doing it at your risk. 8.
That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we
occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our discussion
groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and assume no
liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes, defamation,
libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you
might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don’t be stupid by
posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous, defamatory,
obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane
material or any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal
offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter violate
any law — anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy, we have
no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or court
which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site. 9.
Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts of
patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can’t download or send the software
to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran,
Syria, or any other country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get
this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department’s list of Specially
Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department’s Table of Deny Orders, or
the FBI’s Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last one). As
if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those
lovely places, you’re not even supposed to be reading this page, so beat it! 10.
We’re also allowed to change this page and anything else on the
site any time we want to. That’s because it’s ours and we have the programmers
who can do it. If we do change the page, then you’re bound by [read: stuck
with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site. 11.
If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to “sue”
(a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of engagement. (sort of
according to the Geneva Convention): This Agreement is governed by the laws of
the State of California, without regard to principles of conflict of laws. To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to
violate New Enterprises, Company and/or its affiliates’ intellectual property
rights, New Enterprises Company and/or its affiliates may seek injunctive or
other appropriate relief in any state or federal court in the State of
California, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and venue in such courts. Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If this
all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should have seen what the lawyers
gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human torture and
sacrifice was outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed! August
2019 |